The visit

"Do we need to visit daily?"

"If you were a father in the ICU, wouldn't you like your kids to visit you daily when they are all living within reasonable distance to do so?"

After a week, Ummi is still in the ICU. Still depending on the respiratory machine. They took her off the 24/hour dialysis machine and changed it to a 6/hour machine for one day and returned to the 24/hour machine the next day. She's getting better, but not good enough. Still depending on lots of medication to keep her internal organs functioning better. She's off and on the sedative - because at times when she's conscious, she tried to remove IV lines, attached to numerous bags of medicine and fluid.

I've been told that she is more conscious nowaday compared to a week back, but still very, very weak. She may be able to respond to questions by blinking her eyes, moving her head or her hand, but she still could not speak. It's understandable - just seeing all those IV lines, the equipments, the oxygen tube, the wires attached to the EKG monitor, the pulse oximeter on her finger - it is very clear that she's in a lot of pain. Even a healthy person can feel quite overwhelmed by all the monitors and equipments that beep, squeal and make unfamiliar sounds.  

It would be very unfeeling for any person to see somebody lying in the ICU and not feel anything.

Nevertheless, at times I ask myself when I visit her- why am I here? What am I doing here? Am I doing it out of duty? Out of responsibility? Am I doing it because I want my children to emulate me some day? That - even when I doubt I'm doing this out of love, somehow I figure this is the 'right' thing to do?

I am still asking myself those questions. I don't know how long she'll remain warded in the ICU. All the nurses and the doctors we asked have been giving the same answer - it's hard to predict how long a patient will be in the ICU. Still, I believe that - even when she remains unconscious whenever I visit her - Ummi would appreciate having her children visiting her everyday...

Please make do'a...

... for my Ummi. She's been in ICU at PPUM since Wednesday. Had internal bleeding earlier on but the bleeding had stopped. She's still on respiratory support and on dialysis 24 hours daily.

Whatever else she is, she's the one who carried me in her tummy for 9 months and gave birth to me at home (not in the hospital) more than 30 years ago... For that, I have always meant both her and my Mak along with Ayah when ever I made do'a for my 'parents'.

And right now I'm making do'a that what ever and which ever way it goes, Allah will make it easy for all of us...

Roku nen me no kinenbi

~ A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. ~ Paul Sweeney


Alhamdulillah... we've been together for 6 years.
6 years already? Okay, okay, I know it's still in the one digit territory, but when one's own biological parents got their first divorce before she was 2 and their final divorce when she was 8 - staying married for 6 years seem somewhat significant.

To be honest, I'd rather woke up up next to hubby than the three kids sleeping in various positions and parts of our bed on the morning of our anniversary. Sure, I'm glad that I do not have to sleep by myself while he's away, but waking up this morning - with Humaidi lying on my right, Haniyya's hands wrapped on my left leg and Huzaifah's right foot just next to my left ear - I realized that there's nobody besides their father I'd rather be beside. Heh

It goes without saying that we have changed and grown since we got married. We have learnt a lot more from each other but still fumbled with each other thoughts and needs at times. . So yes, there are hiccups here and there. There were moments of weakness when he grumbled that I don't get him and made me wanted to retaliate that he doesn't get me too. There were moments when I cried alone rather than  pour out messily and emotionally to him because I had a feeling that he might not understand that I was not blaming him, but just wanted to let off some steam. Yeah, our marriage is still a work-in-progress. After all, the bonds of matrimony usually mature slowly, and we are still only in our 6th year.

I've come to accept that hubby is a non-romantic that would probably never buy me any flower, never dedicate sweet love songs like Maher Zain's "For the rest of my life" to me or send a box of Ferrero Rocher or Reese's Peanut Butter Cup to surprise me at work. But I'll cherish that he was always willing to go for a stroll in a park filled with tulips in spring when we were in Japan, and he once made an effort to sing InTeam's "Doa Seorang Kekasih" (the song played during our cake-cutting ceremony) and he would take some time to do some serious chocolate shopping when we were in Langkawi and Labuan. And I love that he usually doesn't mind changing into another shirt when I suggest we go out in similar-colored outfits.

And I was pleasantly surprised when he suggested for us to go out for an advanced anniversary dinner last Monday. Even more pleased when I was able to fit into the wedding dress I wore 6 years ago and be in it when we were out for dinner. Just as I gloated a bit to him by saying that it was an accomplishment of sort to be able to wear the wedding dress after 6 years and 3 kids, he replied nonchalantly, "you should have made the dress a size or two bigger in the first place. Look at me - I have never had any trouble wearing my wedding attire because they are all quite loose right from the beginning". That practically wiped out the grin from me. Hishh, spoilsport!

So, okay - he may not be perfect. But I've read enough "Di celah-celah kehidupan", "Cik Sri Siantan", "Dang Setia" and what nots to come to appreciate my husband more. He's a decent man who loves his family and works really hard for his family sake. He might have weaknesses here and there. Neither am I without faults. We just have to keep on learning from our mistakes, keep improving and keep working to hone and polish our skills as Muslim spouses and parents. Marriage is after all like a car - it needs maintenance, re-tuning, overhauling and basically takes lot of work to keep it running beautifully.

Happy Anniversary my beloved Abang. I am most blessed to have you in my life (as you are for having me in yours, hehehe). Here's making lots and lots of do'a that Allah will strengthen our bond, bestow us with barakah, guide us to be in the right path at all times and keep us together here and in the hereafter.

Our first solat together as husband and wife - Solat sunat nikah right after the nikah ceremony

Obligatory first-kiss-on-the-forehead pose

With my late Tok

Raise your hand. Stop child abuse

Did you know that an average of 7 children in Malaysia suffered abuse every day in 2008, and these were only the reported cases?

Many more experience abuse in silence and behind closed doors. Like all children, they too have a right to a happy childhood, free of abuse. Abuse robs a child of their health, development and dignity. It can also leave invisible scars on children, their families and society that last lifetimes, if not generations.

UNICEF has started a nationwide movement called "Get on Board" to provide the public with the information, insight and resources to stop child abuse. This knowledge will empower everyone to protect the children in our families and communities. Let us show our children that at least a 100,000 of us care. The more people who raise their hand to be counted, the stronger the campaign becomes to deter an abuser from hurting a child.

So, come on, let's "Get on Board" now
Join YouthSays

More than 6 years ago...

On the day of our engagement (never been published in this blog before)

Him

Don't speak unless you are spoken to - Part 3

So there he was, with Ustaz Asyraf, dressed quite smartly in a green Raihan-style shirt.
And I'd chosen to wear a plain pair of brown baju kurung.
I knew Mak wanted me to wear something nicer, but somehow it wouldn't seem quite right for me to go upstairs and change into the yellow-and-purple baju kurung only after the guests had already arrived. Ahh, so be it.

My first quick take of the 'special guest'?
He seemed awfully shy, as he entered the house behind Ustaz Asyraf, almost as if he wanted to be shielded by Ustaz Asyraf.
Looks? Ok lah
Height? Taller than me. Ok lah.
Overall appearance? Ok lah.
No butterflies in the tummy. No double flip-flop of the heart.
I had no idea then that I was meeting the man who was going to be my husband and the father of my children for the very first time that night.

Nothing to ponder much upon a quick glance - I reminded myself that he's just Ayah's guest, no big deal. Besides, I had to get ready to start serving dinner.

So dinner was served - for the guests from Seremban, Ayah and my younger brother Abang. I was told that Ustaz Amin tried out all the lauk, but did not have a second helping. (Much later on I found out that he had already eaten at Restoran Syed in SS3 prior to visiting us). Seemed like they had quite an animated discussion during dinner - ranging from war in the Middle East to kelebihan selawat and Islamic education in Malaysia. No, Ayah did not ask any personal questions. None on his job, his family, his likes or what his future plans are.

Me - I was playing Cinderella - the one who served dinner, clean up and served coffee after dinner. Ayah laid out a rule prior to the visit - 'don't speak unless you are spoken to'. I said 'okay' (while the answer in my head was more like "duh, what ever...")

But I broke the golden rule. Unintentionally actually.

After dinner was over, they moved to the living area and sat on the sofa. I brought out the cut fruits and trifle. Then, I asked Ayah, "nak buat air apa?" Ayah checked with Ustaz Asyraf, who requested for Nescafe. Then Ayah asked Ustaz Amin. His first response was "Kopi", quickly followed by "err, apa-apa jelah"

I seeked for clarification once again - "Kopi ke Nescafe?", to which he replied "Apa-apa jelah".

I made both. He chose Kopi.

But boy oh boy - I got a bitter scolding from Ayah later that night, all because of that one simple question.

The guests left at about 10 p.m.. It was school night after all, and Ustaz Amin had to teach the next day.

It was after the guests had left that Ayah scolded me

"Remember, you were not supposed to speak to him unless you are spoken to!"
"But it's not like I asked him anything personal - I was just seeking clarification...'Kopi ke Nescafe?' Just one single line. Surely it could not cause any harm?"
"You asked him directly in front of me. He might be intimidated by that, thinking that you are such a bold and forward person. No wonder you are still not married as you near 30, because you are a forward girl"

Ouch! Bold and forward, huh? All because of a simple, innocent clarification query???

Mak interrupted. "Kak, I know under any normal circumstances, you did no wrong. I know you have been trained to get detailed answer and that's why you can't help but seeked clarification. But that wasn't any normal occurrence. We don't know what kind of person we were dealing with and we don't know what his expectations are, so it's better to minimise risks by laying the simple rule of you not speaking unless you are spoken to. And you broke the rule."

Good thing was - 'the rule' was made by my parents. The same 'logic' did not apply to the 'special' guest - he had no problem at all with that question. In fact, a few days later, Ustaz Amin pestered Ustaz Asyraf to let Ayah know that his istikharah is positive and would like to know what's the result of istikharah on our side. Much later I found out that he had already performed istikharah before his visit to Kampung Tunku and had gotten a positive sign. He said that when he first saw me in person, he was even more convinced that we were meant to be together.
 
(Someone please pinch me already - how 1950s can this story get? Hehehe)  

So there - the story of how we first met.  
His first visit to our house was on August 19th, 2004.
We were engaged on September 19th, 2004. 
And married on December 3rd, 2004.
Alhamdulillah.

Don't speak unless you are spoken to - Part 2

Thursday came and I took the day off.
Since our guest is someone from Negeri Sembilan, I thought it would be okay to cook something spicy. No, not masak lemak cili api - I had a feeling that my version might not stand up to the original Negeri Sembilan version. Thus, sambal tumis udang was one of the dishes I prepared.

What if he's allergic to seafood? Hence I prepared some stir-fried beef marinated in black pepper with green peas, a dish my late Tok called 'bistik' (probably derived from beef steak).

Made some sayur campur too and trifle for dessert. Mak thought that it was not enough, so she cooked fish curry and ayam goreng berempah. Yeah, for a family which is used to having one or two lauk and one sayur dish, a 5-course dinner was quite memorable.

Mak was unhappy with the worn out place mats though and asked me to go and buy new ones. I was quite surprised because to me the place mats looked presentable enough.

"Just go and get new ones. Tetamu kenalah diraikan," Mak said when I tried to protest, since I really didn't feel like going out what with it nearing the end of office hour and I might got stuck in jam - all due to insignificant place mats.

It went without saying that Mak got her way. I went to Section 14, hoping to get decent but not too pricey place mats. I got them at Metrojaya during a non-Sale period, so it went without saying that the blue checked cloth place mats were quite pricey. And yes, the traffic was slow by the time I made it back home.

By maghrib - we were all ready. The table all set. The fruit cut, the cooked food ready to be warmed and to be served.

Not sure what to wear, I finally put on a demure brown baju kurung, my everyday outfit that's exclusively home-worn. Mak asked me to put on a pair of yellow and purple floral baju kurung - one of my office outfits - but I didn't want to be seen overdressed for someone who's been working hard in the kitchen. Besides, I thought wearing silky striking yellow baju kurung matched with purple tudung might not give the best first impression to an ustaz.

I told myself that he's coming to have dinner with Ayah, thus deserved no more special treatment than I would accord Ayah's other guests. Since he was Ayah's guest, I should not worry too much about looking nice, right? I wanted to be normal and I felt really comfortable wearing that brown baju kurung, notwithstanding that it was a hand-me-down pair (from Mak).

On the other hand, I purposely wore a tudung tiga segi and not tudung labuh - a personal test of sort to see whether this Ustaz was flexible enough to approve of girls wearing tudung tiga segi in their own home.

The guests arrived after Isyak. He wore a shiny satin-like green Raihan-style shirt.

Mak casted a quick glance at me with a look that said, "Look, look - he's making an effort to look nice and you are not. I told you to wear that yellow baju..."

- to be continued -

Don't speak unless you are spoken to

* Please pardon me for indulging in some 'down the memory lane' stories this week. Our wedding anniversary is coming up this Friday but hubby had gone for a 6-day trip in Thailand. It's almost a custom for us to 'explore' a new place of interest during our anniversary, but this year he's gone on the Bangkok-Chiang Rai- Chiang Mai trip with his parents because I don't have any leave to spare and have just started working in a new place. I hope hubby will have a good time in Thailand - I've been to Bangkok several times and had a blast in Chiang Rai (Anira, do you still remember the good old days? Hehehe). Now, if my memory served me well, I think one of the first photos he'd seen of me was taken in Chiang Rai. It would be nice if I could 'guide' him around Chiang Rai just like he 'guided' me around Kuching last year (he'd been to Kuching before, but that was my first time).  Maybe some day we'll get to play 'tourist guide' to each other in other places, insya Allah.

But first, let me share the story of how we first met...

#####

Ayah called me at work one Tuesday morning. (I remember it was Tuesday because Mak and Ayah used to  have their weekly mengaji session with Ustaz Asyraf on Tuesdays.)


"Kak, hari Khamis ni balik rumah awal sikit. Ada hal"
"Hah? Kenapa? Ada apa?"
"Ada orang nak jumpa"
"Hah?"
"Laa, yang bagi gambar tu lah. Kak dah tengok belum gambar tu?"
"Dah"
"Macamana? Ok tak?"
"Ok apa, nama pun Kak tak tau..."
"Nama dia Amin"
"Ooo"
"Jangan lupa, Khamis ni balik awal..."

I took a day off that Thursday. Apparently Mak and Ayah had invited this 'Ustaz Amin' over for dinner with Ustaz Asyraf, 'the introducer' on Thursday night. Mak asked me to cook some dishes.

When I first heard of the arrangement, I almost freaked out. My first thought was - "this is WEIRD". I mean seriously, do people still 'berkenalan' through arranged meeting by the parents in the new millenium? I almost had a flash of a scene a'la P.Ramlee's 'Pendekar Bujang Lapuk' - the guy chatting with both my parents and Mak would excuse herself, "duduklah dulu nak ye, nanti makcik buatkan kopi..." And Mak would ask me to serve the coffee and all... Ha ha, yes, something like a scene from life in the 1950s.

I'd never met this guy - virtually or otherwise. No sms, no email, no chat, no call. All I knew was when I was away in Kelantan, acting as my best friend's bridesmaid, Mak and Ayah had given 4 photos of me to Ustaz Asyraf in exchange of 2 photos of Ustaz Asyraf's friend who is 'age appropriate' to be introduced to me with view towards matrimony. It turned out that this friend of Ustaz Asyraf's also happened to be the nephew of Ustaz Farid - a family friend who once had given away a house to help Ayah paid his debts to a bank and since then had always been deemed in the highest esteem in our family.

So yes, thanks to the photos, I had an idea of how this 'Ustaz Amin' looked like. I knew his age - 31. I knew that he got both his bachelor and master degree from Al-Azhar University in Egypt. I knew that he almost got engaged once but it didn't happen. But I had no idea of him as a person. Is he warm or cool? Is he shy or outgoing? I had no idea of his taste, of his likes or dislikes.

I had no idea what to cook or what to wear or how to present myself on that fateful Thursday night...   

- to be continued -

Tok sah nak mengarut nak kahwin dengan orang Jepun

Back in 2004, I sometimes used to tease my late grandmother, Tok.
"I'm going to Japan, Tok. I'm going to marry a Japanese and then we'll go to Japan."
"Haish, tok sah nak mengarut nak kahwin dengan orang Jepun kapir..."
"Being Japanese does not necessarily means they are non Muslim. I'm going to marry a Muslim Japanese."
"Orang Jepun pun ada yang Islam ka?"
"Of course! I'm going to marry Mohammado Amino Nakasone..."
"Hish, aku tak suka anak cucu aku kahwin orang Jepun kapir..."
"No, I'm not going to marry a non-Muslim lah Tok. Not all Japanese are non-Muslims. He's a Muslim. His name is Amino Nakasone..."

And it would go on and on.
Tok would pucker her lips in distaste, her face all crumpled and it was kind of fun to tease just to see her reaction.

Anyway, it wouldn't be difficult to guess why Tok had a thing against Japanese, as she was there to experience the harsh and brutal living condition during Japanese occupation of Malaya in the 1940s.
Still, despite having alzheimer's disease, long after the occupation was over, Tok could still sing the 'song of submission' that the children of her time had to sing for the Japanese army.

"Miyoto kaino suru akite
yokodi kotakoku kagaya kiba
ten shino shi hatsura koto
kiba uwa odorou oyashima"
(note: I'm not exactly sure of the actual lyric, but the verses above are more or less how it sounded to us)

Tok almost always sang "Miyoto kaino" in full spirit, complete with her hand waving in the air like a conductor. It was kind of contradiction really - for somebody who abhorred to be associated with Japanese to sing the song of submission with such passion.
 
Anyway, on the day we got married, I grinned sheepishly as I introduced "Amino Nakasone" to Tok. 
Tok's immediate response?
"Hang tok sah nak mengarut nak kahwin dengan orang Jepun..."
Ha ha.

I miss...

(in no particular order)

- Cold Stone Creamery
- Kodomo no Kuni (a recent trip to Critterland brought back lots of memories from the Children Land)
- unpretentious Uniqlo stores (located anywhere from pekan koboi to Ginza)
- great customer service
- fresh sushi, especially halal Unagi sushi (apparently unagi is non-halal in Sushi King)
- Calpis
- vending machines everywhere, and with lots of non-carbonated drinks options
- everything Anpanman (I almost couldn't believe it when Humaidi went "Ang.. Ang... Angpangmang..." the other day - must be triggered by seeing Huzaifah's old Anpanman toothbrush we found recently)
- extra courtesy reserved for pregnant mothers and mothers with small children
- Momiji

Yeah, I know.
I miss Japan. 

Back again

Honestly, to re-blog after so long is not an easy thing to do.
There are so many things I've thought of sharing, but somehow I didn't know how.
I'm back at work now, so maybe being away from the children and back with more adult might help.
Better, I'm now in a new place in which I can blog, no longer in the office where not only Blogspot but even Gmail and Yahoo mail were blocked.

3 months of being a SAHM went by almost unnoticed. Okay, not exactly unnoticed. For one, I now am a firm believer that the best way to find energy to cope with three boisterous boys is to be  a SAHM. No kidding. And along the way, I've lost some weight too (some of which unfortunately had been regained once I started having a helper again about a month ago).

I've grown accustomed to having Haniyya looking for me first thing in the morning. My absence would cause him to wail "Ayah.... Abu....".  And Humaidi too would greet me with a still-heavy-lidded-almost-unopened-eyes-grin as he asked "Ibu, nak kopi". No, he's not asking for his morning coffee. By 'kopi', he's referring to chocolate flavored milk. When Huzaifah and Humaidi started showing their preference for chocolate flavored milk, rather than plain milk, they referred to the chocolate milk as 'kopi'. Probably to differentiate it from the white plain milk. Huzaifah now call it 'susu coklat', but Humaidi still call it 'kopi', despite my numerous attempts to correct it.

As for Huzaifah - he could simulatenously be a darling and a little devil. One of the tasks I enjoyed most was taking the laundry from the ampaian. I would ask Huzaifah to help me and he would insist on taking all the children-sized garments, "Yang besar, Ibu punya. Yang kecik, Ujai punya. Ibu jangan ambik yang Ujai punya, ok?"

Yet, at times he could really drive his father and me nuts by pulling a vanishing act in public area. We had to search for him all over Mines Shopping Mall in two separate occassions - both finding him at kiosk selling toys but in different parts of the mall. He watches "Lou and Lou: Safety Patrol" on Playhouse Disney, so I sternly reminded him from time to time that he has to be with an adult all the time when we go out as wandering by himself is a 'safety violation' (my brother Amirul said 'safety violation' is a big word for a kid, but thanks to Playhouse Disney, Huzaifah knows what it means). Unfortunately, Huzaifah sometimes is too fidgety to stay in a place for long. So I guess we still have a long way to go before he could be really disciplined on this. Any tips anybody?

Anyway, one of things that almost never fail to make me smile is how freely Huzaifah gives hugs and saying "I love you, Ibu". Be it for buying him the long-awaited Thomas the Tank Engine set, or taking him out for a play time at Critterland or simply preparing a toast spread with margarine and sugar.

The other day, when I returned home from work, after all the salam and excited greetings of "Ibu dah balik", I relaxed on the sofa. The boys almost immediately reached out for stuff I discarded on the table - Huzaifah put on the tudung, Haniyya the serkup, Humaidi the socks. Something tugged inside. I miss the boys at work - not feeding them at lunch, not having Huzaifah asking "Ibu tengok apa tu? Ujai nak Thomas/Oso/etc..." while I browse the Internet. I supposed seeing them putting on my stuff was visible proof that they missed me too.

Oh, but if there's one thing I don't mind about going back-to-the-office - is the chance to perform my Zohor and Asar solat in peace, without having anybody climbing on my back, or trying to get into my telekung, or pulling on my kain while I pray. Heh.

Long time no here

Ramadhan kareem to all Muslim readers - not too late to wish 'selamat berpesta ibadah', I hope, especially since we are encouraged to increase it during the last 10 nights...

It's been so long that it feels almost awkward to start blogging again, In the past two months or so, lots of stuff had happened - some good, some not so great. Let's see...

Hubby and I have been to Bandung and Jakarta in June;

I was confirmed to be pregnant in June;

Hubby and I experienced a kenduri (and a reunion with our almost-brother, Faizly) in Labuan in July;

Our bibik quitted in July;

Mak always said that we could not find anyone worse than our previous lazy bibik, but we did.
Akif went 'missing' on day 2 of the replacement bibik, and our neighbour reported that she beat our kids using the broom on day 3 - so we sent her back to the agent that very same night. 

Got an almost sister-in-law in the last Sunday of July;

Got a new sister-in-law in the first Sunday of August (yup, my youngest brother was engaged for only a week);

PV spotting started on the day following youngest brother's wedding. The doctor advised me to rest more because baby seemed to be smaller than expected (almost 11 weeks, but baby seemed to be 8 weeks old);

Too stressed out - both at office and at home, so wrote a letter to Numero Uno in the agency, asking for unpaid leave on August 3rd;

PV bleeding started on August 4th. The gynae did a scan. No fetal heart seen. The doctor told me that bleeding with fresh blood an indication of spontaneous abortion about to happen and gave me an appointment on the 16th;

Miscarriage happened at almost 1.00 p.m. at home on August 5th. Incomplete miscarriage. Kit and Fa-ah rushed from the office to get some lunch for me and the boys as well as sent me to the hospital (Thanks a million dear). The sac was left in the uterus. A&E doctor gave me MC for 5 days and asked me to stick to my August 16th appointment with the gynae;

Rested for a few days in Kampung Tunku before Mak and Ayah left for Saudi to perform their umrah during Ramadhan;

My neighbour Kak Ma who is a doctor advised me to go for another scan as quickly as possible and not to wait for my August 16th appointment. Kit supported this notion. So went back to the hospital for another check-up on August 10th (1st Ramadhan night);

Went to the A&E first. Abdominal ultrasound scan was not so good, so was referred to labour room. Gynae did a pelvic ultrasound scan and confirmed that my uterus did not look so great - larger than normal, with an opening of 1cm. The doctor ordered me to be hospitalised right away, to start fasting beginning from midnight as D&C was scheduled for the next day. A more junior doctor came to take some sample blood and a nurse gave me an injection to stop the bleeding so as to make it easier to perform the D&C;

I asked to be discharged on own risk (had to sign a letter and all) and promised to return to the hospital the next day. Was asked to go the OB/Gyn clinic at 9.00 a.m. Started packing my stuff and the kids stuff as soon as I reached home and asked my aunt to help looking after the children while I was away;

Drank lots of Bio-disc energized water and did hours of shining the LED torchlight through the Bio-disc onto my pelvic area while reciting lots of zikr and making lots and lots of doa. It was the first night of Ramadhan and I prayed hard for a miracle to happen;

The best 1st Ramadhan surprise ever - the scheduled D&C was deemed unnecessary after the gynae did yet another pelvic ultrasound scan on me. (A small miracle of sort for me since I'm really, really frightened of going inside the Operation Theatre even for a minor D&C thingy. Alhamdulillah...

Making do'a

...for the protection & safety of the human rights activists on their way to Gaza. Whatever nonsense Israel came up as their 'reason' would not justify the illegal capture of civilian ships carrying humanitarian aid in international waters, let alone the use of deadly force.... Ya Allah, we pray for protection of the brave and courageous souls who are only trying their best to do what they can to help out the people of Gaza...

... Al-Fatihah to Sheema Wahid, a 31yr old-mother-to-2-yr old-daughter PTD officer who passed away while undergoing her DPA training. I've been told that it was due to pneumonia or influenza like illness, but the mainstream papers seemed to glorify the fact that she passed away while undergoing 'ala commando' training. I don't know the full facts - but had read somewhere that she might have been saved had she been taken to the hospital earlier... Well, what happened already happened, and what ever else history is, it's in the past - so all we can do is pray for Sheema, and for her family, and hopefully a lesson had been learned from this incident...

#####
I've been super busy at work - at the new place, surrounded by new bosses, peers, subordinates, learning all sort of new things because I'm handling stuff I'd never had any experience handling previouly...

The ICT policy in the new office is very, very strict - not only social sites such as Facebook, Friendsters, Myspace are blocked, we are restricted from viewing blogs under blogspots, wordpress and all. Worse - we are even blocked from access to web-based mails such as Yahoo Mail and Gmail. Yeah, they are that strict...

So, please forgive me for not updating my blog for quite some time now, and for not leaving comments at friends' blogs. I try to read them all - but I must admit that I get so drained out at the end of the day, I couldn't think of any good comments to be left at other people's blogs. No surprise really - what with me being so drained out that I couldn\t even think of any new post for my own blog - until today, that is...

Once upon a time - DPA 2001

Sekadar berkongsi gambar-gambar lama...

Sekatan jalan raya di sekitar Jalan Tun Razak masa Modul Polis

Ada seorang pemabuk yang cepat-cepat sarung ketayap ke kepala masa nampak ada polis.

Bila dia turunkan tingkap kereta, terus menusuk-nusuk bau arak. Dia rayu jangan dibuat ujian breathalyser.

Bila buat juga - sahih dia mabuk dan tak sepatutnya memandu. Dia nak hulur RM200 minta dilepaskan.

Depan kami yang ramai-ramai ni, boleh tu nak rasuah! 

"Dari kiriiiiiii, cepat jalan! Kriii...kriii... krii kanan kriii..."

Nak naik Kapal KD Tentera Laut dari Lumut ke Langkawi

nak naik kapal selam, takut tak boleh menyelam

Ramai yang muntah-muntah dalam perjalanan dari Lumut ke Langkawi sebab tak dipasang stabilizer

Saya pakai baju hijau dan muntah pun nak dekat hijau juga.

Alhamdulillah dari Langkawi ke Lumut ok sikit bolehlah pose kontrol macho 

Saya pun belilah T-shirt Laksamana Muhammad Amin sebagai kenangan

yang terkadang dipakai oleh suami saya yang bernama Amin sambil feeling-feeling dia Navy gitu

Spider-style rappelling masa Modul Askar.

Seronok dapat merasa sebab bukan semua orang diberi peluang dua kali terjun (kali pertama abseiling biasa)

Kami belajar menembak guna M16. Belajar cuci M16 - buka semua dan pasang balik.

Kalau tak cuci, nanti tembakan mudah terbabas dari sasaran.

 tapi kalau dah tak pandai, berkilat sekalipun M16 tu, tembakan masih terbabas entah ke mana-mana juga

Platun Cobra sorang-sorang posing tak nak kalah

Masa di Modul tentera - merasalah juga berbau hamis sehari semalam tak dapat mandi sebab duduk dalam hutan yang tak ada punca air berdekatan.

Kesian Bob - yang cedera kena batu di kepala masa mendaki Gunung Angsi

Inokulasi Peperangan - saya gagal untuk tamatkan pengembaraan - merangkak sambil bawa M16 dengan asap berkepul-kepul dan bedilan peluru hidup melintas di atas kepala.

Asthma saya menyerang dan terpaksa angkat senjata tanda mengalah

Selepas tengok saya dan Faridah ditinggalkan Platun Cobra di medan perang, Platun Scorpio ambil iktibar - anggota lelaki ambil tanggungjawab pegang semua M16 bagi mudahkan anggota wanita merangkak tanpa perlu mengheret M16 sekali dan ada 'sweeper' lelaki di belakang sekali untuk bantu 'tolak' anggota wanita yang dah tak berdaya untuk merangkak sampai ke garis penamat

Masa hari terakhir modul tentera 

muka-muka kelegaan tak kena berlasak-lasak lagi

Gadis-gadis pingitan (?)

Ala-ala gadis-gadis solehah depan Surau An-Nur, IKWAS

Earth Day lunch 110510 - the food

* As usual, this entry is dedicated to "yang jauh di mata, dekat di hati" Ju in Swiss. Cousins in Australia and Egypt are welcomed to feast their eyes on these too, hehehe...

Daging salai masak lemak cili api

Ayam goreng berempah

Ikan bakar

Bergedel

Ulam-ulaman

Sayur campur

 Banana and honey dew

Teh tarik and Air sirap-campur-oren

"Love Our Earth" choc moist & carrot walnut cupcakes

So cute and oh-so-yummy too!

All Green - "Earth Day" lunch 110510

Four of us who recently got the confirmation letter of our respective promotion (alhamdulillah!) - decided to throw a makan-makan session for our sector.

So we held the sectoral meeting followed by lunch, sponsored by us.

Threw in some present-giving ceremony - for birthdays, 2 newly-wed officers and 1 who just got his second baby.

Since it was also a Majlis Kesyukuran, the boss asked for a bacaan yaasin & do'a selamat to be included in the itinerary.

Since Idy, one of our officers, just came back from Korea for a COTI program, she decided to present some slides on the program.

And someone said - "why don't we all dress up in green in conjunction with Earth Day?".

So there - we ended up having yet another all-in-one lunch in the office. Heh.

Main theme - Back to our origin a.k.a Selero Kampong

Menu:

White rice

Ikan bakar with air asam
Daging salai masak lemak cili api
Ayam goreng berempah
Bergedel
Sayur campur
Ulam-ulaman with sambal belacan
Fruits - honey dew & banana
Sago with santan & gula melaka
Choc moist/carrot walnut cupcakes from Anna of Bake Freshly

And yes, it was yet again, a good lunch - food was okay, the cakes really yummy - and center of attention too. Turned out we have some rather old-school bosses who were not familiar with the trend of substituting traditional cakes with fancy cup cakes. One or two found the cakes to be "cantik sangat, sayang nak makan.."  someone was reported of being the recipient of cupcakes for his birthday in October last year and he'd never eaten a single cake until all of them rot in his room because "cantik sangat, sayang nak makan"

Thanks Kit for recommending Anna and for letting me to use your name as the introducer. Anna was pretty busy but was kind enough to take our less-than-the-required-one-week-notice order. The premium cakes for the birthday girls/guys were super yummy - carrot walnut with cheese frosting, yeay!

I think we might have yet another makan-makan soon in the office.
I just got a letter of transfer to Parcel D yesterday.
I am supposed to report for duty next Monday.

"Apa yang CC menungkan tu?"

Birthday presents - face towels

(last year it was a photo frame with collage pictures of all in the sector then)

Present for Baby Amina & wedding gifts for Fairuz & Nabil

Makan time!

"Puan, jomlah makan. Ambil gambar je tak kenyang, puan..."

"Macam mana boleh salah eja nama saya Pauzan jadi Pauza ni??"

Parents-to-be (with respective partners though) who both celebrate their birthday on January 15 - Fairuz aka Peyuz & Nabil

Encik J: "Rasa macam tak larat dah ni"

Tn Hj M: "Eh, makan, makan. Banyak lagi ni... "

En Z oO "I kalau ikan bakaq cecah ayaq asam memang tak angkat muka dah makan ni..."

Comel kan birthday cuppies kita ni?

CC yang malu-malu nak ambil gambar dengan birthday cupcake

Antara yang diraikan - yang sambut hari lahir pada Januari, Mac & Mei

"Eh-eh, dua orang je pegawai lelaki yang pakai hijau?"

Anizz tak baca emel minta semua pakat-pakat pakai baju hijau sebab jaga kaunter semalamnya, huhuhu

Chiiii zu!

Mak is 63

It's Mak's 63rd birthday today, alhamdulillah.
(Yes - May is usually when we have some family makan-makan since Ayah's, Mak's and my birthday are just days apart - Ayah's on 5th, mine on 10th and Mak's on 12th)

Mak, we wish you the best on your birthday (and everyday);

No one has earned it like you
You try to enrich everything you come near
You try to give your everything selflessly
You provide the love and care
that makes my, Abang's and Adik's dream
of a happy home came true.
May you'll always feel the gentle cloak of Allah's rahmah and mawaddah on your shoulders,
and may you be shielded, guided and protected by Allah all the time.
Thank you Mak
We love you.


Lots of love, hugs & kisses from:
- Kak, Amin, Ujai, Akif & Asim

Time to shed some: 2-month progress report

* This is a belated entry

I'd only lost 1kg by the end of April, totaling 3kg so far since I joined Klinik Citra Sihat.
I know, I know - it's all my fault.
For one, I seldom exercise for longer than 20 minutes where else in order to force all the extra body fat to start dissolving is to work out for 40 - 60 minutes.
And then, while I try to watch what I eat - there were occassions in which I failed to do so.
Like attending kenduri, or attending a course in a hotel  or when hubby says, "let's go to Sate Intifadha" in Kajang...
Yeah, I'm weak like that...

Still - at least I'd managed to shed off some inches too.
And the yardstick?
I've managed to wear my bridal baju kebaya again!
(Yes Kit - that purple one)
I was so excited because after I gave birth to baby Haniyya, I couldn't even fit into the bridal baju kurung moden, what more the kebaya.
Oh, the kebaya still feels a little tight - indicating that I need to do more sit-ups, crunches and lunges.
Still to me, it's a good sign and a good motivating factor...
I mean, after all, I decided to own my own baju pengantin so that I could wear them again - and not leaving them alone in the far corner of my wardrobe kan?

100510

"Thirty five is when you finally get your head together

and your body starts falling apart" - Anonymous

It's my birthday today.

Someone wise once asked, "What right do you have to celebrate your birthday?"

Well, I don't know.

But I do know that birthdays could be a good time to reflect and to grow...

It goes without saying that as we grow older, and hopefully wiser, we view things, people, happenings, the world, differently.

We've gone through a lot more than we used to when we were younger, and that in turn enable us to reflect on how little we actually know after all.

We move a step closer towards death, and we would remember those selected ones - who were born in the same year we were born - but had gone to meet The Creator earlier than us.

But we can't despair for we also need to remain energetic, zesty, full of life so that we can keep on playing our role, commit and give back - to our family, loved ones, friends, community, religion and all.

So, it is my hope and my do'a that while I'll grow wiser and act so , 

I'll also remain 'young' enough to keep living, loving, learning and giving, insya Allah.

#####

Undated picture, probably taken when I was 7.

With Ayah Tam, Tok Ayah, Pak Su, Ayah woohoo - rambut afro ala Alleycat, Tok,

my cousin Syahril, Adik & I

Yeah, yeah, now it's obvious whose mischievious grin Ujai takes after..

Standard 6, with Kelas Agama classmates 

(two classes were combined, the non-Muslims for Kelas Moral and Muslims for Kelas Agama)

I was in the same class with Wan Azlan Abdullah - a good swimmer and a minor celebrity of sort in school who would grow up to swim for Malaysia in 2 Olympics - Atlanta 1996 and Sydney 2000

 

Eidul Fitri 1988 - in Kelang Lama, Kulim with Tok, Tok Ayah,

Ayah Jang's family, Ayah Tam's family, Teh and Pak Su.

Eidul Fitri 1989 - in Parit Semerah, Pontian with Mak Tua, Mak Long, Pakcik Me'at, Mak's cousins and Kak Ina - the longest serving 'kakak pengasuh' we ever had.

SRP 1990 candidates - right after we were done with the exam. For the record, yellow baju & white kain was the uniform for KPs(prefects) while light blue baju & white kain the uniform for Resource Center-related  committee members

Eidul Fitri 1991 - with Tok, Tok Ayah, Nyah, Teh, Chik and more cousins since Teh and Chik had gotten married while Ayah Lang had remarried in the previous year. I got 4 new cousins in 1991 alone, 2 of them girls. finally Firdhaus and I had new female cousins - yeay!

English class classmates 1992 (during English and Arabic, the classes were divided into "Set"s)

As it happened, many from our class furthered our studies abroad - if I'm not mistaken,7 of us did our 1st degree in UK, 3 in the US, 1 in Canada, 1 in Jordan and 1 in Egypt.

Heh - who says budak sekolah agama usually fly to Middle East je?    

In the exam hall - SPM 1992

5 Biru 1992 - During those years, it was almost a tradition for Kelas Biru to be the naughtiest in the school.

I must admit that while we were no angels, we were not that naughty, but maybe we were, if measured by a 'sekolah agama' standard...

Poor Ira and Ara - being prefects on good terms with their 'naughty' classmates, they were usually given the task of 'jaga gate' when spot-checks were on. But of course, we the naughty ones were quite good in hiding our 'prohibited' walkmans, romance story books, cassettes, posters and usually got away with it, hehehe.